Revamp

When Emma Spade arrived in Los Angeles from New York, the airport looked liked a “battlefield without bodies.” Then some helpful men approached her wearing armbands with two red stripes on the top and bottom and a thick white one going through the middle with the letters UVF on it. Before she could say “Philip Dick,” she realizes these guys will suck her dry. She digs her thumbs into the eyes of one of them, pops the eyeballs out, and gets the hell out of there.

This is the opening of Sherman’s book. A giddy satire on all things American and yet, at the same time, a kind of homage to the traditional vampire book featuring such things as stakes, safe churches and daylight, large teeth, etc. These vamps don’t mind garlic, but are still averse to holy water and crosses.

What I liked about the vampires was their incredible organization. UVF stands for “United Vampire Front.” Humans are now “farm-raised” for the vamps’ drinking delight. The vampires have been “reborn” with the “fresh stuff.” They don’t have to drink that “cheap, processed crap,” one says early on. The Patriot Act?

So, Emma gets away, thinking this can’t be happening, but meets Cooper, who convinces her it is happening. Now it’s Emma and Cooper, and a small band of humans who have to save the human world.

The words flow delightfully in this story. In fact, I sucked up the words. Like most folks in LA, vampires appreciate nice cars, enjoy clubbing, watch the news (“their news”), and frequent bars (“blood joints”). Emma and Cooper blend in with the vampires, searching out Mabon, the main vampire who’s unleashed this nightmare. He was born in 1840, a former CIA operative seeking ancient revenge against the government. For a vampire, time does not heal wounds, but “makes revenge that much sweeter.”