Brave Talk: Building Resilient Relationships in the Face of Conflict

I avoid conflict at all costs, but I value authentic conversations. As 2020 and all its stresses wore on, conflicts were popping up more and more in my daily life. Because it was harder to run or hide like I usually do, I realized I needed to find a different approach. Brave Talk by Melody Stanford Martin is based on the concept that we don’t need to agree to have an authentic and meaningful conversation, and that impasse, deep, and unresolvable conflict can actually be the foundation for resilient relationships. This goes far beyond the” we’ll just agree to disagree” maxim. According to Stanford Martin, this involves reckoning with your own feelings around conflict and the subject at hand; being curious about the other person’s perspective; asking great questions; and assuming no ill intent.

One of the best concepts of the book was the “potluck of ideas” and determining if the “dish” or idea that someone one brought was merely not to your taste or truly “poo.”

Given the current climate in the United States, I found this framework refreshing and rigorous. It made me realize that I have gotten lazy in my discourse. A particular relevant question brought up in the book is “Does this idea resist harm and it is well meaning?”

This book broke down communication theory into easy to understand graphics and summaries. Stanford Martin also relates relevant stories from her own life and current examples. Overall, I felt this truly was a book for our times. It also has an online training/discussion component. I think I will be referencing both the book and online program for a long time to come.